


Lights in the Shadows

by BeMyDarkling



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Angst, Corruption, F/M, Feels, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-27
Updated: 2016-01-27
Packaged: 2018-05-16 17:16:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 13,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5833915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BeMyDarkling/pseuds/BeMyDarkling
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Directly after the destruction of StarKiller Base, Rey and Kylo Ren are becoming increasingly aware of each other's presence in their minds. It isn't until they meet in a dream that they both realize how far things have gone.</p><p>Was deleted, now it's back!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dream

**Author's Note:**

> Deleted earlier, now I'm back. Sorry about that.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which dreams are more dangerous than one would think.

 

Thoughts of her lingered in his mind like pools of light in the shadows. He was angry, at how weak she had made him look in front of Snoke. Rage was something he was more than accustomed to but despite his best efforts, he was more intrigued than enraged when it came to this girl. He should be holding on to the memories that would cause bitterness between them, but instead his mind kept wandering back to the last time he saw her.

_Her feet scrambling for purchase in the snow, his confident strides as he lifted his lightsaber for the killing blow. She had blocked him with a blade that should have been rightfully his. It shone steady and bright in the darkened forest. Just as he was certain the duel was over, she locked onto his eyes at his mention of the force. Without giving any ground, she let the force flow through her, calming and strengthening her. Kylo felt it too. That door that had been opened between them in the interrogation room swung wide, and he was flooded with a light that terrified him. His wound no longer hurt and he felt his grip on his hate slipping. Most of all, he felt her._

Now, he sits on a shuttle on its way to return him to Snoke. Her presence lingers, like dandelion seeds drifting effortlessly through his mind. It's a distraction he must rid himself of before he stands before his master. In the meantime however, he has decided not to let go of it just yet. The trip is long, the shuttle is not large and Hux is on board. So he stays in his cabin, meditating, and occasionally indulging himself and reaching out to those specs of light in his mind, just to savor the delicate, intoxicating presence she left behind. No one need know about this small treason.

 

* * *

 

Rey was overwhelmed. She was glad she was no longer on Jakku, but so much had happened and she needed time to process. She hardly spoke to Chewbacca as they set out to find a man Rey has only ever considered a myth. In quiet moments, when she was alone, she let herself think about the dark presence that lingered in her mind. She told herself he is a monster and it was very easy to believe it, until she remembered what it felt like to mentally connect with him. How easily he opened himself to her light. A taste of him still lingered, dark, rough, yet warm. She tried not to enjoy it too much.

 

* * *

 

Her presence grows stronger and Kylo is not sure how he feels about it. He should probably set up more mental blocks to control his thoughts. Probably. She wanders his dreams now, not just a vague presence but a whole image of her. He tries to control this dream image but it seems to be too deeply rooted. It has a mind of its own. So he surrenders, and waits for his obsession to subside. It doesn't. Instead, he sifts through her memories, which must have been left behind after he accessed them while interrogating her. They were brighter and stronger than he remembered and he didn't have an explanation for that. It didn't matter. Anything was preferable than this damned ship with Hux and his endless angry glares.

* * *

 

Her dreams were a strong comfort. In dreams, she was free to consider things at her own pace, to spend an entire day contemplating a valley filled with plants so green and so beautiful it made her soul ache.

And one night, he was there. He didn't frighten her. She was so used to doing as she pleased in her dreams, she didn't hesitate to approach him. His gaze remained turned away from her but Rey could see the pain in his eyes. Without thinking, she reached out and ran a hand through his dark hair.

* * *

 

He knew she would be here. That lingering thought he couldn't control. He heard her footsteps behind him and did not turn. This girl was too much of a distraction already. He mustn't let his thoughts of her weaken him further. Still, he didn't withdraw. She approached him fearlessly (when was the last time someone had done that?). Since he wasn't looking, her touch came as a shock. It was electrifying, buzzing with the force and he almost flinched. His surprise escalated when she tenderly stroked his hair. It hurt more than any wound the real Rey had given him. He thought his chest would collapse from the stabbing ache she stirred up in him. He couldn't bear to make her stop. He closed his eyes, savoring her gentle touch. Finally he turned to her.

 

* * *

 

His eyes drew her in and everything else seemed to fade away. There was a hunger deep within him, far more intense than anything she had ever experienced in a dream before. Rey continued to stroke his head as if comforting a child and he gazed at her, conflicted. She wasn't afraid. This was her memory of him, who she knew(hoped) he really was.

* * *

 

Her unflinching gaze stirred him to reach up and touch her face. The way she responded to his touch sent a pang of desire through his whole frame. She smiled, welcomed and melted into him. He ran his thumb lightly over her lower lip, never having felt a pull this strong before. He leaned in but hesitated, their lips barely brushing against each other. She hooked a hand around the back of his neck and pressed her forehead to his. With a soft groan of abandon, Kylo pulled her into his arms.

Her lips found his and she pressed into him with such force he nearly fell backwards. All coherent thoughts were driven away and his pulse surged as repressed desire nearly overcame him. He returned her kiss with every drop of arousal he had been holding back since he first laid eyes on her. The ecstatic way she responded to his touch thrilled him like nothing he had ever experienced. He let his hands explore her body and she moaned into his mouth, the sounds tumbling from her lips made him feel like he was going to lose his mind. His breathing grew ragged as she pressed her hips into his, grinding insistently.

“Fuck” he hissed through gritted teeth. This was going too far.

He buried his face in her neck and she whispered softly

"Ben..."

He froze. Pulling away, she searched his eyes then recoiled. They both scrambled backwards, breathing heavily and saw in each other the horror and thrill in the realization that _this was not just a dream._

In a moment, Kylo had his mask on and his lightsaber in hand. But she was already gone.

* * *

 

Rey sat bolt upright in her bunk, panting. She clapped a hand over her mouth to keep herself from screaming. There was no way she could explain what just happened to Chewie. She sat on the edge of her bed, and shakily lifted her fingertips to her lips. She could still feel where he had touched her. Every last place. The only comfort she could take was in the fact that it was clear he was just as shocked as she was. The thought that he would choose to show that tenderness to her when he thought there would be no consequences stirred up something in her chest she would rather not contemplate at the moment.

* * *

 

Kylo was enraged. How could he be so weak, so foolish as to not recognize her true presence in his mind? A part of him knew he had been deceiving himself. He did not have an exceptionally clear memory of her. He had access to her. The two of them had been linked since their last meeting and neither one had realized it. He thought again of the revulsion in her eyes when she recoiled from him. It hurt deeper than he thought possible. But that is the way it should be. He must be feared. But the truth was, he was desperately afraid himself, of this delicate yet powerful scavenger girl that had so much power over him. He would spend the rest of the journey meditating, ridding his mind of her completely. But he still felt her hands tangled in his hair, her body pressed against his. That, he knew, was something he would never be able to rid himself of.


	2. Origins and Resolutions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey is a Kenobi and Kylo determines not to let this weakness overcome him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was deleted, now resurrected!

The pale sun was shining dimly through the clouds and the hills were a shade of green so deep Rey found herself a little mesmerized. She glanced up at Luke’s face, trying to read his expression. He was staring out into the ocean, looking rather pensive. It was a month into her training and the subject of Kylo Ren had finally been brought up.

He seemed to be two people at once; a masked monster and a vulnerable man consumed by his guilt and pain. She saw the moment he killed his father but she also felt the nights he wept because of it, the nights he reached out craving contact, looking for a hand to hold in the dark.

They had kept their distance from each other since last time, but now they both knew, they had a taste for each other’s presence in their minds that could not be wiped away.

After a long day of training, Luke had been telling her amusing stories about previous padawans he had trained. A number of the stories were familiar and she knew he was referring to Ben, although he made it a point never to say his name. She was laughing too hard at one and made the mistake of referring to a detail in the memory that should not have been in her head. Luke had grown grave and she had confessed everything. It had been several minutes and he had yet to speak. Rey was getting nervous.

“Should I be more concerned? It’s been mostly under control since I arrived.” She left out the fact that she sometimes reached out to him at night, just to feel the touch of his presence. It was surprisingly soothing when he allowed himself to be still.

“Is it in control because you have controlled it?” Luke asked “Or because he has not sought you out?”  
She thought for a moment. “Both maybe. I am more careful in my dreams but I’ve yet to encounter him again. I think I could handle myself if I did.”

“How would you defend yourself? How would you keep him out?”

Luke studied her. She could feel him pressing gently on her mind and she mentally gave him a controlled shove. He chuckled as he shook his head. “Ben, what have you sent me?” he said to no one in particular.

“Kylo did not send me…”

“No, not him.” Luke said. “I suspected it at that first moment when you held out that lightsaber to me. It was him all over again. ‘an elegant weapon for a more civilized age’” he said wistfully. “Now I see his mental strength echoing in you. You have the mark of a Kenobi.”

Rey blinked in surprise.

“He was the most skilled I’ve ever seen. I’ve never been able to perform a Jedi mind trick with quite his strength.” Luke smiled sadly at her. “I hardly had the chance to get to know him when he was killed. But now, it’s like a small part of him is sitting with me.”

Rey felt a peace, a lightness. She did not know who Luke was speaking of but something about it felt right. She closed her eyes. “I think...sometimes...I can feel him too. I think he was the one who sent me dreams of this island.”

Luke nodded. “I see strength in you. Kylo Ren is dangerous but I think he will find you more than a match for his powers.”  
\----------------------------------------------------------

Kylo Ren could hide little from his master. He found himself on the floor of the throne room, blood dripping from his nose. His mind felt like it had been dumped out on the floor for all to see. Shakily, he pulled himself into his feet.  
Snoke gazed at him impassively. “So there is a bond.” His deep voice echoed through the vast chamber.

“She is...overwhelming, Master.”

“So I’ve seen.”

Kylo’s chest tightened when he thought about that last encounter being laid bare in front of Snoke. “I need your guidance to rid me of this.” There was a rather large part of him that wanted desperately to hold on to anything that would bring him closer to this girl. The part of him that was in control hated him for it.

“Destroy it? You disappoint me, Kylo Ren.”

Kylo faltered. “It is too much of a distraction. As I’ve said, the girl is…”

“The girl possesses the map to Skywalker. She most likely knows the location of the rebellion headquarters. If indeed she is powerful, she must be persuaded to join us. Any… discomfort you may have should be ignored. You will not weaken this bond, you will strengthen it and use it for your own purposes. I should not need to instruct you in this.”

He bowed his head. “Yes, Master.”

Back in his rooms, he sat to meditate in front of his grandfather’s twisted helmet. The anger flowed smoothly through him. He would not let this girl overcome him. She may possess power, but she was young and untrained. For a brief moment, the memory of her sigh against his skin slipped into his mind, but he quickly crushed it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rey Kenobi is my set head canon and nobody will convince me otherwise.


	3. Barriers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey begins a dangerous game and Hux's dreams are crushed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was deleted, now resurrected!

\--------------------------------------------------------------  
Hux was delighted. He looked over the quiet and orderly control room with a sense of pride. He could not remember the last time things had run so smoothly for so long. Kylo Ren had been spending more and more time in his meditation chambers and had managed not to break anything (outside of his room anyway) for several weeks. A quick calculation told Hux that it was entirely within the realm of possibility that he would remain under budget for the quarter. He strolled off, practically humming.

\---------------------------------------------------------

Soon after the conversation with Luke, Rey began to feel Kylo probing at the edges of her mind. She let him in at first, but when she felt what he was there for, she quickly shoved him out. It was not the aching vulnerability and want of before, but rather an intense focus, trying to break past her defenses. He was much less tempting like this, impersonal and goal oriented. It was easy to withstand at first, but the onslaught seemed endless. While Rey slept, ate, trained, he seemed to do nothing but try and break into her mind. It was hard to believe that this was the same man who had kissed her with such hungry desperation not so long before. She had mastered the mental blocks Luke had taught her but Kylo Ren was just too persistent. It was beginning to wear her down.

One night, she was voicing her frustration to Luke by the fire. “I think I may need more than defensive strategies.” she said “Back on Jakku, ignoring things rarely helped.”

“Is that why you’re so good with that staff?” Luke smiled.

“Bullies need a reminder sometimes. Maybe I should go after him.” She nervously tried to convince herself that was the only reason she wanted to seek him out.

His smile faded slightly. “A Jedi should not use the force to attack others. It can become a temptation. Use caution.”

She nodded. Alone on the hilltop, she began to meditate. Kylo Rey may have the ability to overpower her physically, but not mentally. She opened herself ever so slightly and felt his surprise at the sudden weakening in resistance. It was so tempting to try to talk to him, to remind him of their previous connection. She could feel already how futile it would be. Without wasting a moment, she threw a thought in his direction, trying to break his focus. She showed him the look on his father’s face as the life slipped out of his eyes. There was a small flicker of emotion, but Kylo maintained control. She tried again. He probably hadn’t seen his mother in years. She showed him Leia’s careworn face, her soft smile and her eyes full of grief. His defenses only tightened. Rey spent the rest of the night looking for a chink in Kylo Ren’s armor. They clashed against each other’s minds, attacking and deflecting, probing each other. Nothing Rey did seemed to have any effect. Finally, hours later, her tired mind slipped and remembered the feeling of his hot breath on her neck and his long fingers fisting in her hair. She shuddered slightly, then stilled herself. It wasn’t clear, but she thought she may have sensed a reaction from him. It was tiny, but it was worth a shot. Borrowing his mental image of the room he was in, she crafted her thought carefully, putting in as much detail as possible.

Alone in a dim meditation room, Kylo felt a hand in his knee. With lightning quick reflexes, he grabbed the wrist. Whoever it was didn't struggle. He opened his eyes and found himself face to face with Rey. She put a finger to her lips with a soft, shy smile. For a brief moment his concentration faltered. She tugged on his ankles and pulled him into a more comfortable position as she crawled forward. Kylo swallowed thickly. _This can't be real._

“No.” She agreed as she slid lightly into his lap, her legs on either side of his hips. His hand was still gripping her wrist and she left it there. Settling her body against his, Rey felt his pulse racing as he struggled to maintain control. She shushed him gently as she guided his free hand around her waist. He remained stone still, breathing shakily as she leaned in, exposing her neck invitingly and sighing softly against his ear. Just for good measure, she simultaneously ground her hips into his.

He gripped her thighs with desperation. She searched his eyes and with a soft murmur asked,

“Please?”

  
Back on the hilltop, His flood of emotion hit Rey like a tidal wave. She could feel him choking on the desire he could not control. All the fear, regret and confusion flowed along with it, and for a brief moment she was able to see him and feel his presence, not dark and dominating but deeply human. The taste was just strong enough the make her feel a small sense of loss when he abruptly shut the connection.

Rey fell back against the grass and looked up at the stars. She had won. Why didn't it feel more like a victory?

\--------------

The sounds of twisted metal echoed through the hallways. Stormtroopers and other military personnel crept quietly past the room from which the sounds were emanating. Only Hux paused outside the door. As the screech of lightsaber against expensive electronics continued, his scowl grew deeper. Finally he turned and stormed away in a huff, nearly knocking over the nearest service droid.

\---------------

Kylo Ren turned off his lightsaber and fell to his knees, panting. The room around him was slashed by a thousand geometrically precise cuts and the panels were still emitting sparks. He pried off his mask, still breathing heavily.  
The girl had toyed with him. She had crumbled his defenses and made him unable to channel his pain into power. She had found his weakness and exploited it and he had been powerless to stop her. A part of him admired her ruthlessness. But of all things… The image she crafted him flashed briefly through his mind and his anger renewed. Is that what she thought of him? That his desire for her is nothing more than a need for sexual gratification? There were plenty of women who would be more than willing to meet those needs if he so wished (not that he had ever actually sought then out).

  
He shook his head, not wanting to think about how he really felt. He should think of something else, anything else.

She could so easily undo everything he had worked towards. He let himself revel in the pain, pulling it inwards. He had gone too far for a scrawny little desert rat to come along and ruin everything. He harshly silenced the growing part of him that protested against calling her anything derogatory.  
He had spent too much time with the Jedi. Their practice of denying desire had too strong of an effect on him. Why should one little dirty image destroy his concentration?  
He remembered their meeting in the dream, the way she arched her small body into his touch. Maybe he wasn't the only one whose pulse quickened at the thought of them together. That thought alone was all he needed to pull together some sense of composure.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry Hux, you are destined to be grumpy forever. 
> 
> I don't know why I find uptight, frustrated Hux to be the funniest thing ever. 
> 
> Please leave thoughts and feedback! It keeps me going. :-)


	4. Truce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the game escalates, and a fragile truce is reached. Also, Hux will never be happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was deleted, now resurrected!

By the edge of the sea, surrounded by the sound of the crashing waves, Rey stood, eyes closed, concentrating hard. There were four large boulders hovering several feet off the ground and a fifth was slowly rising. Luke sat watching. “Good.” He said approvingly, “Let it flow smoothly.”

Rey was enjoying this new found strength, feeling the power coursing through her. She almost didn't notice the tug on the bond. Suddenly she had the sensation of someone looming behind her. A hand slid down her waist to grasp her hipbone. _Not now._ She hissed through clenched teeth. He enveloped her from behind and whispered in a low gravely voice. “ _Rey_ …” The way he said her name made her knees weak. The boulders wavered slightly in the air. “ _Don't drop them_.” he said quietly, running a hand up her thigh. “ _You wouldn't want to disappoint master Luke._ ” He kissed her neck softly, slowly moving down toward her shoulder. He found her pulse point and lingered, kissing and nibbling with a soft flick of his tongue.  
“Stop it.” She said shakily.

“Rey?” Luke called, “Are you ok?”

“ _Tell him._ ” Kylo murmured in her ear. _“Tell him all you can think about during these mental exercises is the way you want me to touch you_.”

“I'm fine!” She yelled back.

“ _If you asked nicely_ ,” He said, nibbling at her ear, “ _I could take you right here_ ”. He filled her mind with a vivid image of the two of them with naked limbs intertwined while the waves crashed around them.

The boulders fell to the earth and two of them cracked. Rey shoved Kylo out of her mind and he disappeared with a soft chuckle.

\---------------------

It was an especially dull meeting. Hux was explaining the various options to increase the efficiency of operations to a small council gathered around a conference table. Kylo was doing his best not to fall asleep.

He felt her slipping into his mind before he could stop her. She passed into his field of vision and leaned against the table in front of him. Kylo refused to react. He grappled with her presence, trying to push her out but she wouldn't budge.

She bit her lip with a smirk. She conjured a mental version of him that got out of the chair and embraced her with such intimacy and familiarity that it sent a pang through his chest. She pressed into him as if their bodies were made for eachother.  
His double slipped a hand under her and set her on the table with her legs wrapped around him. He leaned into her, kissing her slowly while his hands slid expertly into all the right places.

He ached to turn and watch and memorize every last place she liked to be touched. He grit his teeth, keeping his eyes glued on Hux while he droned on. It suddenly occurred to him that he had never hated the man’s stupid pasty face more than this moment. He gripped the armrests of his chair until they began to give way beneath his hands.

“ _Kylo_ …”

At the sound of his name, he glanced at her. His double was busy kissing and biting his way down her neck but she was staring at him. He found his dark desire mirrored in her. This pull that neither of them could comprehend was consuming them both. Her eyes bore holes in him. He felt like she was marking him, claiming him. Across the galaxy, with all the light years between them, she managed to touch him deeper than anyone else. She saw into his depths, past every atrocity he ever committed, and did not turn away.

A flame burst to life in his chest that he was unable to quench.

  
The armrests snapped off in his hands. He stood abruptly and punched the door panel a little too hard. It started sparking as he disappeared down the hall. Hux wordlessly shoved his budget proposal in the nearest trash can and stormed off to complain to Snoke. The rest of the council members glanced at each other uncomfortably.

In his room, Kylo Ren shakily pulled off his helmet and sat at the edge of his bed. He held his head in his hands. She had called his name. In her little image of desire, she wasn't wishing it was Ben. She wanted him. He didn't know what to do with that information.

This had to stop.

He yanked on the bond and waited for her to respond.

“ _Something wrong Ben_?” She asked innocently.

He noted the name with a small amount of disappointment. “ _Not at all_.” He replied smoothly _“You seemed to really enjoy yourself. Was that a request_?”

She flushed slightly, unable to hide her response from him. His corresponding flicker of pleasure wasn't lost on her either.

They stood at an impasse, grappling with the desire neither of them wanted and neither could deny.

Finally Rey spoke. _“We can't go back and forth like this forever_.”

“ _We can't_.”

“ _Truce_?”

“ _On what terms_?” He asked

“ _You stay out of my head and I'll stay out of yours_?”

“ _Agreed. You have an impossibly dirty mind_.”

“ _You liked it. You can't hide that from me_.”

“ _Truce starts now_.” He said abruptly and withdrew.

Rey opened her eyes in her bed, unable to keep still. She got up and decided she needed a run. It was dark and the path was steep but she needed to clear her head. His presence may have receded but she couldn't get Kylo Ren off her mind. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These characters have minds of their own. 
> 
> I wasn't expecting Kylo to be so good at this game. He must have inherited at least a little Solo cockiness to combat the Skywalker angst. 
> 
> Please, tell me your Reylo head canon!


	5. Doubt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the truce is broken for mutually beneficial purposes, and the two begin to doubt their mentors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was deleted, now resurrected!

\------------  
Luke Skywalker, son of Darth Vader and last of the Jedi, gave up all hope of a dignified conversation and rolled his eyes. “Must you fight me on everything Rey?”

“No,” she shot back, “just the things you're wrong about.” She glared at him with her arms crossed and Luke gave out an exasperated sigh.

They had been discussing Rey’s methods of dealing with Kylo Ren. Luke didn't agree with them.

“I’m just saying unrestrained passions can…”

“What? Lead to the dark side?” she jumped in.

“It’s simply a better idea if such things were subverted. It can get too dangerous to let your emotions to the surface.”

“First of all, this has little to do with my emotions but can you imagine if it did? Would your advice be to hide them, let them fester until I no longer had control?”

“For untold ages, the Jedi have practiced self-discipline and self-denial.”

“Is that why the dark side is so powerful?”

Luke had never looked so frustrated.

“Is this what you told your nephew?” Rey demanded, “He is an unfathomable storm of want and passion and pain and desire. Did you shut him down every time he showed emotion?”

“Be careful how far you let him in Rey.”

“I can just imagine Snoke.” she did a mocking imitation “ _Come to the dark side Ben, I won’t tell you to shut up every time you cry.”_

Luke looked pained. “Does he still cry?” he asked quietly.

He did, but she knew Kylo would be mortified if his uncle knew. “No.” she said. “I don’t know.”

With a sigh, Luke sat down. “I’ve often wondered all these years if it was my fault. If I had only understood him better, guided him better…”

“No.” Rey sat next to him. “He made his own choices. Nobody is responsible for them except him. It’s just… I've felt the storm inside him. It controls him and you want him to deny it altogether. I can't see how it would ever be possible for him to follow all this jedi self-denial.”

They sat there in silence without any resolution, until the light faded from the sky.

  
\----------------  
Just after a training session with his Knights, Kylo received a summons from Snoke. Realization hit him hard he made his way down the corridors. Beginning to panic, he tugged frantically at the bond. She was there in an instant.

“ _You're breaking the truce_.”

“ _I need your help. Snoke can't know about our agreement. I need you to help me block out everything that has to do with you, every interaction_.”

“ _Why can't you do it_?” She asked.

“ _You know why_.”

“ _I really don't_.”

 _“I'm not as strong as you are. In this particular area. Just this specific one area_.”

She was quiet for a moment. “ _I'll do it_.”

He opened himself to her, fully aware of how easily she could take advantage of him. Everything was laid bare to her, including information that could bring the First Order down. It was terrifying, but something in him trusted her. She reached out and it felt like their minds were mingling. Light mixed with dark and emotions swirled together like smoke. The Force intensified around him like a dense cloud. Kylo felt her power enter him and multiply like light in a prism. It was deeply painful but with an aching ecstasy. He felt diminished yet completed.

She carefully pulled out everything that involved her, which included a few extremely dirty fantasies Kylo had never meant for her to see. She kept her focus on the task at hand but he could have sworn she saved some of them for later. Finally she whispered “ _Ready_ ”.

 

When Kylo appeared before him, he had the fleeting thought that Supreme Leader Snoke no longer seemed terribly supreme. He seemed… damaged. The bright light ignited within him at Rey’s touch felt so much stronger than the power he pulled out of his pain.

The onslaught began as soon as he bent to a knee before the throne.

“How are thing progressing my apprentice?” Snoke said, forcibly shuffling through Kylo’s mind.

Rey’s presence was a comfort and she guarded his mind well. “Slowly I must admit. But she is weakening.”

Snoke frowned. “I see no weakening.”

Kylo began to panic but Rey let slip the memory of what he did to her on the beach.

Snoke was amused. “I like your methods. Teaching her to fuel her control of the force with her passions is a massive step in her journey towards the dark side.”

Kylo felt a small pang of regret. “Yes Master.”

“You have grown stronger. The meditation has served you well.” With a wave, Snoke dismissed him. “Continue. I expect the map, if not the girl herself, within the next week.”

“Master, the week?”

“Corruption spreads quickly, as you will soon learn. You have done well Kylo Ren. Do not fail me now.”

He bowed in supplication but his desire no longer lay with his actions.

Returning to his duties, Kylo stopped to breathe deeply and quell the anxiety. Their little charade had worked, but it wouldn't last long.

Rey lingered and Kylo did not tell her to leave. They lapsed back into silence but left the connection open like two friends who did not need to speak to enjoy each other’s company, or two addicts who did not know how to let go of the thing that could kill them.

Kylo couldn’t decide which one. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Poor Luke had been burned too many times. 
> 
>  
> 
> Let me know your thoughts!


	6. Invitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the two go against their better judgement and give up on the struggle to stay away from each other's minds and Rey begins to develop a fascination with the Dark Side.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was deleted, now resurrected!

\-----  
Neither one could remember who spoke first, or when exactly the silence was broken. It may have been when Kylo felt the need to correct some of the stories Luke was telling Rey around the fire one night, or when Rey diagnosed a problem with Kylo’s shuttle and talked him through fixing it. Most likely, it was when Rey woke him up from a nightmare and he quietly pointed out the constellations for her when she couldn't fall back asleep.

Their openness allowed them to shoulder (and alleviate) each other’s loneliness and pain. Kylo felt a peace he hadn't experienced since he was a child and although the week was passing, he didn't want to think about Snoke’s expectations.

Today, Kylo was in Hux’s rescheduled budget meeting made infinitely more interesting by Rey’s commentary on the proceedings.

Back on the island, Rey was supposed to be meditating while Luke was away getting supplies but Kylo’s mind was so much more interesting.

“ _Why does he keep glaring at you when he says expenditures?”_

_“I may have had something to do with the budget deficit.” He thought back._

_“Did you spend a lot of credits?”_

_“I...ensured that he had the pleasure of ordering new equipment for his office.”_ He let her glimpse his rampage briefly.

She snorted, startling a gull that had been sunning on a rock nearby.

“ _Twice_.” He added.

She burst out laughing and Kylo was grateful for the mask that hid the smile stealing across his face. Her laugh did dizzying things to him, stirring up old longings he had thought were long dead.

In a near perfect imitation of Hux’s nasal voice, Rey said “ _Kylo Ren, you absolute brat.”_

It was his turn to stifle a laugh. It was a sweet, simple pleasure that had remained unfamiliar for too long. The people seated near him glanced at him nervously.

A messenger appeared by his elbow with a summons from Snoke. This would not be pleasant. With a sigh of trepidation, he blocked Rey out with a wordless goodbye.

-

Returning to his chambers after his meeting with Snoke, Kylo shrugged out of his cloak. He gingerly lifted his shirt to survey the damage and winced. A dark purple splotch of a bruise was spreading across his ribs. It hurt to breathe. The supreme leader was growing impatient with his lack of progress and had decided that pain was a good tool to help Kylo focus on his priorities. It didn't feel like focus. It felt like pain.

He missed Rey but he didn't want her to see him like this. Without her calming presence, his thoughts began to grow loud and unruly.

Why hadn't he taken the map from her? She had been open to him for days now. He could have taken it at any moment. He groaned and hid his face in his hands. What was he doing? Rey was his enemy but it never felt like it. She seemed to understand him more than anyone else ever had. Together they were three times as strong as either of them alone. Where did his loyalties lie at this point?

He had no idea how to answer that question but he did know that he had the strength of a jawa when it came to resisting this girl. It was absurd to hope for any kind of future with her. There was no way this could end well.

Snoke had commanded him to to leave and only return when he had the girl. Kylo ordered his shuttle prepared for departure, but he had no idea what he was doing next. The thought of actually seeing her made his chest ache but if he came face to face with Rey, he wasn't sure what would happen. By all accounts, she should kill him. If it came to that, he might let her. It always felt like he was dying when he was around her anyway, as if pieces of him were being burned away by her light.  
He debated his options. He could follow orders or flee and never come back.

Either way, nothing was ever going to be the same.

\-----------------------------------  
Rey felt a void. Kylo had disappeared yesterday without an explanation and left an uncomfortable emptiness where his presence should be. She had gotten used to his familiar warmth, that specific _taste_ of him in her mind and those dark burning surges of power when his emotions rose.  
She would never admit it to him, but she missed him.

Luke was attempting to teach her a new skill and it wasn't going very well. The training seemed more and more mundane and her patience was wearing thin. He expected obedience without questioning and Rey was finding that it was more than she was willing to offer.

He had placed her in front of a pile of kindling and she was supposed to start a fire by refracting and focusing the sunlight. He had taken her lightsaber so she couldn't cheat and left her to the task. She had tried repeatedly but she could not bend the light to her will. It had been over an hour and her frustration was mounting.

Kylo couldn't stay away any longer. His self control wore down and he allowed himself a glimpse into her mind. Rey was too distracted with her task to notice. He could feel her concentrating with everything she could muster and her breathing quickened as her frustration rose. The sound brought back the memory of that first dream, and the way she clung to him and gasped when he touched her. He felt his own pulse quickening and he tried to drown the memory. She would notice him soon and he didn't want to be caught creeping.

When Rey was about to throw a rock at the stupid pile of wood and storm off, she heard Kylo’s voice.

“ _This is impossibly irritating. Just use force lightning or something_.”

She tapered the surge of joy at his return and tried to act nonchalant. “ _How? Luke hasn't shown me that one yet.”_

 _“Of course he hasn't. He never teaches anything useful.”_ Kylo grumbled. He demonstrated for her and she tried to mimic his actions. Nothing happened.

“ _No, you have to pull it from within.._.” He stopped short and winced, unable to hide the pain from her.

She quickly flit through his awareness, examining his body and lingering slightly too long on his bare chest. “ _What happened?”_

“ _Nothing. I'm fine.”_ He squirmed slightly under her scrutiny, not without a sense of satisfaction.

“ _Tell me or I dig through your mind until I find out.”_

Kylo hesitated. “ _Snoke. He’s not happy that I don't have the map.”_

A surge of anger flowed through Rey and suddenly the lightning shot out of her hands and scorched the pile of wood in front of her. She felt dizzy and nauseous but filled with a heady power. “ _What was that?”_

Kylo was immediately consumed with regret. _“I had forgotten, it tends to have a weakening effect on those who are more in tune with the light side of the force._ ”

“ _You could have warned me_.” She grumbled. The tingling feeling had yet to fade from her fingers and it wasn't entirely unpleasant. For the first time, Rey could understand Kylo Ren’s taste for the dark side. Luke had never taught her anything like this. She was strongly tempted to try it again.

“Rey?”

She whirled around and saw Luke’s horrified expression. “Where did you learn that?” He demanded.

Rey was irritated at his tone. “I didn't mean to…”

“I told you to stay away from him. You have no idea what you're dealing with!” Luke was livid.

She felt anger consuming her. “Stop trying to control every last thing about me. Maybe I'm not as fond of this hermit life as you are.”

“I'm trying to help you.”

“You tell me when to sleep, when to train, when and what to eat. I'm putting up with it as best I can but I'm not seeing the payoff. I've spent far too long living under the thumb of domineering old men. There's no reason why I should keep doing it.”

“Rey, you need to defer to me on this.”

“No!” She snapped. “I'm done calling anyone Master.” She grabbed her few belongings and stormed off. Luke called after her but she didn't look back. The ramp of her ship hissed as it dropped. As she took off, she heard Kylo say “ _Just so you know, you can call **me** master anytime you like.” _ She laughed briefly, letting him feel her gratitude for the levity but all she said was “Fuck off.” She exited the atmosphere but hesitated in front of the navigation computer.

 He didn't know how to ask and he didn't dare put it into words. Instead, he purposefully focused on a set of coordinates in the outer rim as he entered them into his shuttle’s system. He waited, hardly daring to breathe as she debated her choices in her mind for what seemed like an eternity. Finally, he was filled with a thrill of fear and elation as he felt her punch in the matching coordinates.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sure Hux's dreams of signing up for the First Order never involved an emotionally volatile sith trashing his stuff all the time.
> 
> As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts/ head canon/ inarticulate feels!


	7. Meeting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey and Kylo meet, and the angst and sexual frustration intensifies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was deleted, now resurrected!

\------

As he entered the atmosphere, he felt her presence already. He wondered how she got there so quickly and his stomach sank when he saw her docked. _Of course._ _The fastest ship in the galaxy._

 

Approaching the ship, he could feel her glittering presence but the all too familiar sight of the _Millennium Falcon_ made him pause. He was overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia that threatened to rend his heart. _Of all the ships in existence, why does she have to be in the Falcon? Shouldn't Chewie have the ship?_ He knew the wookie probably needed time to grieve and a sickening sense of guilt filled him. He suddenly pictured his mother grieving and he stopped to press his clenched fists into his eyes. He hadn't thought of mother in years. _What is happening to me?_

 

He heard a heavy metal _clunk_ followed by a curse. Her voice stirred him into action. Steeling himself, he strode up the ramp.

 

He found her in the engineering bay, half obscured by wiring. Kylo had been anticipating this moment for a long time and now that it had come, he wasn’t sure how to handle it. Leaning against the doorway, he cleared his throat. “Something wrong?”

 

“She started getting sluggish coming out of light speed. I decided to comb through the whole system.” Rey said without looking up. She was nervous. Machines always made more sense than people. It was easier to focus on the ship rather than meet his eyes.

 

“Check the fourth terminal on the hyperdrive. It always comes loose.” It was weird chatting as if they did this all the time.

 

She flipped open the hatch and reattached the terminal. The readout on the panel turned green. “I forgot you know this ship.”

 

“It was practically my childhood home.”

 

His massive betrayal loomed unspoken between them and they both grew tense. The guilt and self-loathing he experienced threatened to crush them both.

 

 _I’m such an idiot._ _This was a terrible idea._ Kylo’s thoughts tangled in on themselves. _I’m a horrible fucking monster and she should hate me for it. I never should have come here. Why am I so fucking stupid? She should just kill me now._

 

“Stop.” Rey whispered. “You did something horrible but I'm not here to bring you to justice."

 

“You should.”

 

“Great, maybe I will. Just not today.”

 

“You shouldn't have come then. I don't know why I'm here or what I'm doing…”

 

Kylo’s pain and anxiety spiraled out of control and his hands itched for his lightsaber but Rey stepped forward and took his face in his hands. “Breathe. Look at me.” She said quietly. “I don't know what I'm doing either so let's be confused and aimless together, ok?”

 

He laughed mirthlessly. “As if we had a choice.”

 

They both suddenly became intensely aware of their proximity. The touch of her hands on his face intensified the bond. They could feel everything the other was feeling and the feedback loop was overwhelming. Rey moved to pull her hands away but Kylo caught her wrist. They locked eyes and all the desire they had repressed came rushing to the surface. The connection was so intense it seemed like everything else fell out of existence. The pull toward each other was like gravity, engulfing and inescapable.

Kylo suddenly realized he needed Rey’s touch more than he needed his next breath and he pulled her into a kiss. Her lips opened to him as she pressed against him, needing more.

 

Without breaking the kiss, he whirled her around and pushed her roughly up against the wall. He nearly apologized until he felt the stab of arousal than ran through her frame. The thought spurred him on and he kissed her all the more ravenously. He could feel exactly what she wanted and he moved to her neck, kissing and biting the way he had on the beach. He was rewarded with a soft cry of pleasure that nearly shattered his mind. He would do anything to hear that sound again. She dug her nails into his back and it suddenly occurred to him that they were both wearing far too much clothing. Her hands flew to the clasp on his shirt. He moaned when she touched his chest but as his hands slid under her tunic, he stopped himself. Rey sighed and put a hand to her forehead.“I know.” She said. “This is a terrible idea.”

 

“Terrible.” He agreed reluctantly while he traced the curve of her waist with his fingertips.

 

“There's just too much in the way.” She knew he was painfully aware of that fact and he didn't bother to voice it as he gently disentangled himself from her.

 

He took a step back and struggled to contain his thoughts. “ _I want you.”_

 

_“I know.”_

 

He swallowed thickly and attempted to assume an air of control. “So we both admit it. This is too complicated. Whatever we’re doing here, it can't include...this.” He gestured between them.

 

Rey rolled her eyes. “Alright Kylo Ren, I promise not to seduce you and/or fuck you on this spacecraft.”

 

The words instantly brought up mental images that were not helpful to the situation.

 

“Just… think of something else. Tell me some memories from this ship.” They got out of the enclosed space and made sure to stand on opposite sides once they made it to the main hold. His guilt about his father resurged and she backtracked. “You don't have to think about him. Think of a memory without him.”

 

“A memory on the _Falcon_ without Han Solo?” Saying his father’s name was painful. His thoughts spiraled again. _Why did I ever set foot on this ship? This was a mistake. How does this girl get me to do the most absurd things? I need to get out, I need to get away..._

 

“Shhh. I'll help.” She drifted into his mind and the way she mingled into his thoughts felt more intimate than the kiss they had just shared. He let himself relax, letting her take all his crippling anxiety. She flit through his memories lightly. “ _Who is this?_ ” It was a golden eyed girl with smooth dark skin, a flirtatious smile and an impressive mass of tight curls, sitting behind the holo chess table.  

 

“Lyanna Calrissian. Our fathers were arguing in the cockpit. She was bored and I was awkward. She didn't know it was my first kiss.”

 

Rey smiled. “That's sweet.”

 

“Ok enough.” He wanted to stop her before she stumbled across the things teenage Ben Solo thought about and did while alone in his bunk. “Your turn.”

 

“My childhood memories aren't very interesting.”

 

He reached out anyway and found a blur of days strung together, in hues of brown the color of pale sand. “You saw mine, show me yours. When was your first kiss?”

 

She fidgeted. “Well…”

 

“No. There is no possible way someone with a mind as… _inventive_ as yours is a virgin.”

 

“I'm not. It's just that the men on Jakku weren't exactly interested in kissing.”

 

“What…?” He peeked curiously into those memories and immediately regretted it. The harshness of her life almost broke his heart. He wanted to hug that young girl in her memory who had only seen sex without affection, who had never been held and never been kissed.  “So, back there, I was…?”

 

“Yea.” She said shyly.

 

He had the sudden overwhelming urge to take her in his arms again and kiss her until she forgot she ever knew another man’s name. The conversation had started on opposite sides of the room, but like gravity, they found themselves closer. They were a few feet away now, nearly within arm's length. Rey’s eyes locked on his long, elegant fingers and her mind started drifting to places that made Kylo turn bright red. He groaned. “Why are you making this so difficult?”

 

“Are you blushing? You're adorable. I've found worse things in your mind.”

 

“Yes, but at least I had the decency not to come up with them right in front of you.”

 

Rey shrugged. “There wasn't much prudery on Jakku. I didn't even know sex made people uncomfortable until I said something to Poe that made him choke on his drink.”

 

A surge of jealousy filled Kylo. “You were talking dirty with that pilot?”

 

“No.” She smiled. “I was referring to someone else he had his eye on.”

 

They were leaning against the wall, close enough now to speak in whispers. Their fingertips touched and neither one moved away.

 

“Rey,” Kylo said quietly. “I can't go back to Snoke without you.”

 

“So don't.” She said, sliding her hand into his. His touch was warm and she savored the rough texture of the calluses on his palms. “Come back with me.”

 

“To the resistance? They'll execute me on sight.” He lifted a hand to push a strand of hair behind her ear. His hand lingered on her neck and he ran his thumb across her jawline. Just touching, physically touching, her was intoxicating.

 

“So let's go someplace far away.” She slid closer to him, breathing in his scent.

 

He tilted her face up to meet his eyes. “Isn't that where we are now?”

 

The kiss was soft and gentle this time, giving them both time to savor it. Their minds melted into each other and their force bond illuminated their depths. When they had first met, they were a contrast of light and dark. Now, gazing into each other, they were a near equal mix of lights and shadows. His hands slid down to explore her, tracing every last curve. Her nimble fingers had his shirt off before he knew what was happening and she ran her fingers over the rippling muscles in his back. He sighed, lost in her and aching to have more. She buried her hands in his hair and ran her nails against his scalp. With a groan he picked her up and set her on the holo chess table, leaning into her as her as he pulled her leg tight up against his thigh.

 

“Kylo…” She breathed.

 

The way she said his name made his head spin and his pulse race. He fisted a hand in her hair and kissed and nibbled that sweet spot on her neck, intent on tasting every last inch of her.

 

“Kylo wait…”

 

He knew if he stopped, logic and conscience would catch up to them both. He hung his head then pulled away abruptly. Turning his back to her, he ran both hands through his hair then punched the wall with a cry of rage.

 

“We should leave. Pretend this never happened.” He said roughly without turning.

 

“We should.” She admitted, but they both knew neither one had the strength.

 

He pulled his shirt back on then slumped against the wall down to the floor. “I couldn’t...do this, knowing that we would both fly off eventually and I would never see your face again.”

 

“I’d feel torn in half.” Rey whispered.

 

Kylo gazed at her with an aching pain in his eyes then ran his hands over his face. “Hand me my cloak.” he asked quietly. She picked up the pile of dark cloth and held it out to him. He stretched out lazily from his seat on the floor, not quite able to reach it. Rey inched forward ever so slightly and he pulled her down, spinning her around to settle her back into his chest and wrap his long limbs around her. The cloak was quickly wrapped around them both and he nestled his face in her hair. Rey closed her eyes and snuggled into him as he held her tight. They let their minds nestle together as their bodies melted into each other. “I’ll leave in the morning.” Kylo whispered They held each other close and tried to forget the rest of the galaxy existed.

 

The last thing that went through Kylo’s mind as they drifted off to sleep was an unsettling realization that Rey’s mind was home to much more darkness than should ever be in the mind of a Jedi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That was painful, I'm sorry. What's a good love story without some heart-rending angst?
> 
> Feel free to leave comments on any hopes for the future, existential dissatisfaction or inarticulate sobbing. 
> 
> I love you all, Reylo crew!


	8. Rain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey is fascinated by rain and Kylo experiences a turning point.

\--------------------

Rey woke with a start. They were surrounded by a constant drumming sound coming from outside the ship. Kylo snuggled her closer. “What’s that noise?” she whispered anxiously. 

“It’s just rain.” he murmured sleepily. 

“I saw rain one time. That’s not what rain sounds like.”

“It's rain, it’s just really heavy…” He blinked through his grogginess and looked down on her. “Did you say ‘one time’?”

 

The coordinates he had chosen were in a tropical zone, prone to torrential downpours. Kylo rose and tugged her by the hand down the the landing ramp. It was still dark but the ship illuminated a small pool of light. He watched as her eyes went wide. She stuck a hand out into the heavy rain then withdrew it quickly, entirely amazed. “There’s just so much of it.”

 

Kylo debated briefly.  _ It’s my only night with her. What do I have to lose?  _ She heard the words in his mind and was about to question him when he shoved her lightly out of the shelter of the ship. Soaked instantly, Rey shrieked in surprise then laughed, letting the water flow over her. Lifting her face to the sky, she spun with arms outstretched. “This is amazing!” she called over the sound of the heavy downpour. Kylo watched her innocent joy. It was almost enough to make him forget about Snoke, about the Rebellion and the First Order, about all the mistakes he’d made, the people he’d betrayed and the blood on his hands. It was almost enough to make him forget the impassable gulf between him and her. Almost. 

 

“Come out here!” she called to him. 

 

He shook his head. “I’m happy watching.”

 

She insisted and when he refused, she reached out and Kylo felt an uncomfortably strong force drag him bodily out to her. She laughed at the look of shock on his face. With a flick of his fingers, the puddle she was standing in rose up and splashed around her, drenching her anew. 

 

“Not fair!” she gasped. 

 

He grinned. “You used the force first.” 

 

She lifted her hands and concentrated, steadying a force push until it was gathering the rain above her head like a basin. Kylo watched for a moment in awe. “What are you…?” Before he could finish, Rey dumped it all over his head and he fell to his knees. The thick wool clothes he was wearing were designed for cold space stations, not warm tropical rain. They soaked up a massive amount of water and grew extremely heavy. He looked up gasping and as lighting flashed behind Rey, he had a sudden vision. He knew instinctively it was the endpoint of one of the many paths that branched out from this point.

 

She was a queen, dark and terrible, filled with an unfathomable amount of power. Her eyes were cold and her face was hard. He was looking at the apex predator of the Dark side of the force, one who ruled with an iron fist and crushed her enemies beneath her without a second thought. Entire star systems fell before her and none could stand in her way. 

She was horrible. She was terrifying. He wanted to worship her.

 

A moment later, the dark-eyed queen was gone and the rain drenched little scavenger stood before him, concern sketched across her face. “What's wrong?” She asked, drawing nearer. He was still on his knees so she loomed over him ever so slightly. As she gently pushed back the hair that the rain was plastering to his face, something broke inside him. He took her face in his hands and looked into her eyes. 

 

“I’m yours.”

 

She froze for a moment, unsure of what to make of the statement. 

 

“There is nothing and no one else in this galaxy that has any kind of hold on me, except you.” he said steadily, “Whatever loyalties or allegiances or fealty I had before have died, dissolved. I’m yours and nothing else.” 

 

Her eyes filled with tears and she kissed him softly. The rain flowed over them as they pressed together. Wordlessly, she undid his heavy clothing, piece by piece, and let each one fall to the ground. When he was bare chested before the rain, he waited, still kneeling, with the unspoken question in his eyes. 

She nodded, ever so slightly and Kylo stood and scooped her up in one smooth motion. 

 

“Where are we going?” she asked, clinging to him. 

 

The ramp lowered from Kylo’s shuttle. “There is no way I’m doing this on my father’s ship.”

He tossed her onto the black sheets of his bed. The rest of the night was a blur of images and sensations. Kylo, in his obsessive personality, made it a point to see how many times he could make her scream his name in a single night. Rey took it all greedily and gave as much in return, reducing him to a whimpering mess while she pleasured him. It was far past dawn when they were both finally spent, and they collapsed in each other's arms and fell into a dreamless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to the 5 people who are actually reading this. :-)
> 
> Please leave comments, feels, questions, confusion, head canon, rage or existential angst. 
> 
> Love you all Reylo crew!


	9. Direction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after, in which Rey decides what happens next.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Rey slipped out of bed quietly. Her legs were shaking and she had to stop and take a deep breath before looking for her clothes. Before she could reach them, she felt herself being force pulled backwards. She landed in Kylo’s arms and he snuggled her tight.

 

“I don’t want this to end yet.” he whispered sleepily. “I’m not ready for what comes next.”

 

They both tried, unsuccessfully, to quell the worry and uncertainty about the future.

 

“We don’t have to decide right away do we?” Rey said with her head against his chest. “We have at least a few days before anyone starts looking for us.”

 

“Less than that if I don’t send daily reports to Snoke.”

 

She looked up at him. “So send reports. He can’t tell if they’re real or not.”

 

“What about you? Is some dashing and brave resistance pilot going to come and rescue you from the clutches of the evil Kylo Ren?”

 

Shaking her head, she said “Luke has no way to report me missing. The only com link on the island was on the ship. Besides,” she snuggled closer “I kinda like being in the clutches of Kylo Ren.”

 

They both smiled but they couldn’t help being struck by the whole wrongness of the situation. Rey shifted and Kylo was suddenly reminded that she was completely naked. His arousal rose and spilled over the bond into her. She arched her back, causing her backside to grind into his hips teasingly. It was another hour before they made it out of bed.

-

Rey wandered into the cockpit, curled up in a chair, and raised the blast shield. The sun was shining brightly across the landscape which was still glittering from the recent rain. Kylo came to the doorway and watched the way she gazed out into the green jungle while the light shone across her face.

A second vision seized him, yet another path for her to chose from.

She was a being of blinding brightness, filled with the serenity of the light side of the force. She was noble and gracious, a servant to all men, the one Luke had always hoped for and the person Ben had failed to become. In her care, wrongs were made right and tragedies were averted. There was no room for darkness in her heart.

Or for Kylo either.

 

The spell broke and he walked forward to kiss her possessively before he took the seat beside her. He felt out the bond, but could determine nothing except the fact that she was just as conflicted as he was.

 

She broke the silence first. “I don’t know where we go from here, but I do know what I want to happen next.” She glanced at him, hesitant, “You made me an offer once.”

 

It took him a while, blinking in the morning sunlight, to remember what it was. He had ached for her and pleaded with her so many times in his dreams it was hard to remember what was said aloud.

 

“ _You offered to teach me, idiot._ ” she laughed over the bond. “So train me.”

 

Searching her eyes, he saw the tiniest flicker of a thirst for power, a shadow of the dark queen from his vision. _She could obtain such great heights..._ He felt an ache in his chest, a battle between the light and the darkness inside him. _I don’t want her to walk the same path I did. I see too much darkness in her already. But think of what we could accomplish side by side. I wouldn’t be alone anymore..._ The conflict was pulling him apart. _I am a selfish bastard. Ultimately she makes her own choices._

“Alright.” he said slowly. Her excited smile sent a pang of guilt through his heart.

 

\----------------

Since she obviously outweighed him in the mental uses of the force, they concentrated on physical exercises, mainly forms and sparring and Rey learned quickly. Their bond affected every area of training, especially anything involving combat. They could always feel the other’s moves just before they did them. Dueling was particularly frustrating for Rey. She was adequate with a lightsaber, but couldn’t quite master a sense of balance. During one training session, she shut the saber off with disgust. “I can’t do this. I can fight with a staff just fine but this thing is infuriating.”

 

Kylo considered. “Show me.”

 

She retrieved her staff from the ship. “You can use your lightsaber. I pulled this from the energy core of a star destroyer. It’s nearly indestructible.”

 

After testing to ensure its strength, they resumed their training duel. Kylo held back so he could examine her abilities and Rey knocked him off his feet in under 5 minutes. “See? But the only force approved weapon seems to be a lightsaber. Is it even possible to be a proper Jedi without one?”

 

Kylo covered his wounded pride with admiration. “You just need the right lightsaber.”

 

Rey offered him a hand to help him up but instead he tugged her into his lap. “Did anyone ever tell you you’re amazing?” he murmured, pulling her close. She kissed him deeply, taking his face in her hands. While her teeth grazed over his lip, she said over the bond “ _I’ve made a decision._ ”

Kylo was having trouble concentrating. “Hmm?” he said aloud, still entirely lost in her touch.

 

“You were right.” she said, pulling back.

 

“Of course I was.” he pulled her back into the kiss. “ _About what?_ ”

 

Her tongue searched for his and she continued over the bond. _“I can’t take you to the Resistance. They will most likely kill you. We can’t run either. Snoke will hunt you down.”_

 

 _“Do we have to think about that right now?”_ He ran his hands up her back and tangled them in her hair.

 

“ _There’s really only one option left._ ”

 

This time it was Kylo who pulled back. He looked at her steadily. “Are you suggesting what I think you’re suggesting?”

 

“You have to admit it’s the only option.”

 

“I owe no loyalty to Snoke anymore. I told you that.”

 

“What about the First Order?”

 

“I don’t care about all the politics. Rebellion, Empire, First Order, it doesn’t matter.” He cringed. “My mother would kill me for saying that.” He was half joking, trying to repress the fact that he had earned death at his mother’s hands a dozen times over.

 

“A lot of people would.” she agreed, sliding off him. “But if we wanted to further your mother’s cause, going back to Snoke would be the best way to do it.”

 

He nodded uncertainly, comprehending. “You’re suggesting espionage, not to mention treason. Even if it worked, you don’t know what it’s like there. I have to be an entirely different person and I don’t think you’ll like who that person is. Besides, it’s not safe for you.”

 

“Is anywhere safe?” She crossed her arms. “I want to stay with you, I want to keep training with you and I want to help the resistance. Take me to Snoke.”

 

Kylo saw in her an immovable, ruthless tenacity and knew he was lost.

  
\-----------------------------------

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're enjoying this, I'd appreciate it if you shared it with others!
> 
> As always, I love to hear from you guys.
> 
> Love you Reylo crew!


	10. Familiarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kylo and Rey return to Snoke despite Kylo's misgivings.

\-------------

As the shuttle pulled into the hangar, Kylo’s heart was in his throat. “ _Remember, as far as Snoke knows, I’ve completed my mission and brought you back as a new recruit._ ”

 

“We’ll be fine Kylo.”

 

“And at the first sign of danger, you get in this shuttle and you take off. Do you remember all the clearance codes?”

 

“Yes. Calm down. You’re making me nervous.”

 

“ _The fact that you aren’t nervous enough is making me extremely nervous._ ”

 

Rey laughed softly and planted one last kiss before his mask went on. She was anxious of course, but for the first time in her life, she felt in control of something. For the first time she wasn’t held in slavery by hunger and fear, or dragged to starships or resistance headquarters whether she liked it or not. This was a decision _she_ made.

 

As the ramp lowered, General Hux was standing at attention with a handful of stormtroopers.

 

“Enjoyed your little _holiday_ , Ren?” he sneered with a polite detachment. “Do you have a prefered cell block for the prisoner?”

 

“The girl is here by Supreme Leader Snoke’s invitation. She’ll be staying with me.” Kylo said tersely.

 

Hux frowned at the lack of restraints on Rey and his eyes widened when he fully comprehended what Kylo was saying. “Ren!” he hissed, grabbing his elbow, “I can understand your occasional need for... _indulgence_ , but to have the little savage in your room where she can slit your throat in your sleep…”

 

Rey stepped forward. “General Hux.” her voice was heavy with forceful suggestion. “ _You will stop arguing. You will inform the service droids of the extra occupant in his room and request a set of clothing in my size to be delivered immediately._ ” Hux nodded, blinking through his confusion. As he turned to walk away, Rey called after him. “ _One more thing. On your way back, you will inform the first squad of stormtroopers you see that you find Kylo Ren extremely attractive, and that you fantasize about being force choked.”_ Hux marched away, doubly perplexed and his stormtroopers followed.

 

Kylo Ren strode tall and straight as they made their way out of the hangar but he was laughing internally. “You’re a twisted little monster.” his voice was laden with affection, even through the mask.

 

“You like it.”

 

“I do.” he admitted, lightly smoothing the nape of her neck. “You requested clothing?”

 

“It’s freezing in here.”

 

He glanced over her thin garments, slipped off his cloak and wrapped it around her. Before they made it into the main hallway, a messenger approached with a summons from Snoke. Rey mentally reassured him yet again as his heart twisted in fear.

 

\-----------

Kylo waited outside impatiently. He couldn't tell what was going on inside. Rey needed to keep a tight hold on her mind in order to keep Snoke from seeing some of her more incriminating memories. His stomach twisted as he imagined the things the old man could be doing to her.  The guards had insisted that Rey’s presence had been requested alone. He wanted to kick himself for not forcing his way in with her. As he took a shuddering breath, he felt a heavy, creeping blackness seeping slowly back into his mind. He had lived with it for years but a few days with Rey had driven most of it away. Now, so close to Snoke, it returned but instead of familiarity, all he felt was alienation. It used to give him strength. Now it felt like he had stepped into someone else's boots, rubbing in all the wrong places. He wondered if Rey could feel it. 

  


Finally the doors opened and she walked out, perfectly calm. He was at her side in an instant. “What happened?” he whispered tersely.

 

“Nothing. I'm fine. Take me to your room, I need to think some things through.” They walked down the corridor quietly and she continued the conversation over the bond. _It's not safe to talk openly in the hallways._

 

Kylo glanced down on her. _I was worried he would hurt you._

 

_No, the old bastard is much smarter than that. That's what worries me._

 

_He didn't command you or force you to do anything so he could establish dominance?_

 

 _Think_ _Kylo. Did he do that when he convinced you to join him?_ They reached his rooms and as soon as the door shut behind them, Rey continued aloud. “Did he come to you and beat you? Did he tell you that you'll be lonely and hurting and become his slave?”

 

“Well, no.” He hadn't thought back that far in years.

 

“I’ve been dealing with domineering abusers all my life. He won't be able to break me and I think he sees that.”

 

“So what is he doing?”

 

“He’s being… nice. Accommodating. Pretending to treat me with respect. He sees that I want to learn and he’s hoping to seduce me with the power of the dark side.”

 

The phrase disturbed Kylo deeply.

 

“It works out for us.” Rey went on “We can stay, you can train me and I can finally learn something useful.” She turned, curious to explore the room.

 

He looked at her uncertainly as she rummaged through his drawers. “You're planning on opening yourself to the dark side?”

 

Rey swallowed her fear and insecurity and replaced it with defiance. “Power is power. Besides, from what Snoke showed me, I think I've been open to it for a while.”

 

“I just… don't want you to end up like me.”

 

“I don't plan on murdering any innocents anytime soon.” She said as she opened a door to peek inside.

 

His arm shot out and grabbed her shoulder. “Do you think I planned on all of that when I started this?” He hissed angrily, “It consumes you Rey, it takes over until you have nothing left. It takes you to a point where you couldn't resist if you tried.”

 

She shoved his hand off her. “I'm not selling my soul to this. I'm not getting brainwashed. I know what I'm walking into and I am in control.” She stormed off into the room she had just discovered and reappeared a moment later. “Is this what I think it is?” She asked wide eyed.

 

“It's a ‘fresher.” He said gruffly, noting that it was impossible to stay frustrated with her when she was that adorable, although it made his head spin the way she could go from vengeful nightmare to wide eyed innocent in a heartbeat. She ducked back behind the door and he heard the water turn on accompanied by a shriek.

 

He pushed the door open and saw her standing under the steady stream of water, fully clothed with an expression of awe. “This is all for you? You get to have as much as you want?”

 

“You know, traditionally, you're supposed to remove your clothing before you get in there.”

 

“Am I? Why don't you come show me?”

 

All coherent thoughts were driven out of his head at that moment and his own clothes hit the floor within seconds. It wasn't until hours later, as he ran his fingers over Rey’s bare skin and kissed her wet hair as she drifted off to sleep, that worry began to gnaw on his heart.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, I live off comments. 
> 
> Love you all Reylo Crew!


	11. Gathering Darkness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rey begins to indulge in darkness

Kylo awoke the next morning craving the touch of Rey’s skin. He’d been deprived of human touch for long over a decade and his time with Rey had revived something within him he thought was long dead. He reached over to her side of the bed but it was empty. He was fully awake in an instant, glancing around the empty room. “Rey!”  
She was nowhere to be found. He searched the bond as he tugged on his clothes hurriedly. A feeling of relief flooded him when he heard her reply.

_I’m fine. Calm down. I just wanted something to drink. Come to the mess hall._

Stormtroopers scuttled out of his way as he stormed down the corridor. He stopped at the door to the mess hall, scanning for Rey. It was still early and there wasn’t much of a crowd. He found her in lively conversation with a blonde woman that he only recognized from the shiny helmet she clutched in her lap. Rey had put on the clothes the service droid had left and for some reason, the sight of her in black made Kylo pause. The standard issue clothing looked nothing like a uniform on her and he wondered briefly if it was a passive form of rebellion or if she really didn’t know how it was supposed to be worn. He approached and caught a snippet of the conversation.

“It’s been an unsolved mystery for years.” Phasma said excitedly. “The academy always presumed it had never reached it’s final destination but if you say the ship made it to Jakku…”

“I’m sure of it. When I stripped the bridge, all the documents were clearly labeled _Destroyer IV_ ”

“It must have been taken down quickly then, if the rest of the fleet was unaware.”

“I think so. I saw what was left of the crew and they seemed to be at their stations. Most of the escape pods were never activated. I ate for a week off the parts I stripped from those pods.”

Phasma looked at her with mixed admiration and curiosity. “How did you end up on Jakku?”

Before she could answer, Ren reached the table and Phasma’s helmet was back on in a flash. “Good morning, sir.” she said, rising from her seat.

He returned the greeting. “I see you’ve met my new recruit?”

“Indeed, sir.” She bade a quick farewell to them both and hurried off.

Kylo hesitated before he took a seat. Everyone at the surrounding tables, glanced at him nervously. “What are you doing in here?” he asked.

“Super secret reconnaissance.” she said, lifting her cup. “I wanted caffa.”

“The Knights don’t usually mix with the rest of the crew. All your needs can be adequately cared for elsewhere.”

“Is that why everyone is terrified of you?”

 _“I was scared.”_ he whispered into her mind. “ _You were gone.”_

“ _What could possibly have happened to me?_ ”

He gave her a dark look and let her glimpse all the memories of torture and dismemberment he had witnessed. _The Knights are vicious and power hungry. They will test your limits and tear you apart if you’re not careful._

The violent images quieted her and she let him lead her back to the privacy of their room.

Once they were alone, Kylo took off his helmet and kissed her on the forehead. “You look like a queen.”

“Yea, I was freezing. These clothes are much warmer. I'm not sure I like the all black though.”

“Me neither.” He came close. “I think you should take it all off immediately.” As his hands touched her skin, he felt a shock and jerked away. Wide eyed, he recoiled from her. “You've been with Snoke. You let him _in._ ”

Rey crossed her arms. “Don't worry about me. I know what I'm doing. I came here to learn and that's what I'm doing.”

Kylo reached out through the bond and felt sharp, cold darkness. There was a hardness in her eyes that made all his protests fade from his lips.

  
\----------------------

When they walked into the training room, the other knights were already sparring. They broke off when Kylo approached and stared at Rey. He ignored them and headed towards a supply closet.

“What’s this Ren?” A sandy haired knight approached who was even taller than Kylo. “Have you brought us a new toy?”

Rey was uncomfortably aware that the handful of knights around her were all male and all looking very predatory.

Kylo felt her discomfort and turned, about to bark an order that nobody was to lay a finger on her but he stopped in shock. The sandy-haired knight was suspended a few inches off the ground, clutching his throat. Rey stood, arm outstretched, holding him aloft. “I am _nobody’s_ toy.” she said severely. The knight struggled a few more moments, turning an alarming shade of blue before she released him and he fell in a heap.

Kylo felt a burst of admiration, then fear. _Who taught her how to do that?_

The rest of the knights took a step back, a new respect in their eyes. Kylo chose to say nothing and disappeared into the storage room for a moment. When he returned, he tossed a lightsaber hilt to Rey.

“What’s this?” she asked

“The right kind of lightsaber.”

She pushed the button and blades ignited on both ends. Her widened eyes met his and her face lit up. Kylo felt keenly how much that smile pierced his soul. He would do anything for that smile. He was a slave to it.

He would die for it.

\---------------------------------------------------------  
The dark side came easy to Rey. She hadn’t spent years cultivating a store of pain and anger to fuel her use of the dark side the way Kylo had, but she seemed to be able to pull from his, to use his power for her own purposes. She never voiced it aloud, but he knew her primary goal was to access power through her own rage. Her duels with the other Knights were vicious, but she seemed a natural once she had the double sided saber in her hands. The dark Queen of his vision began to come closer to reality, and Kylo didn't know how he felt about it.   
Soon she outstripped the other Knights and returned to sparring with Kylo, figuring that the greatest challenge she could possibly overcome is someone who always knew what she was going to do next. She found ways to cheat, delivering a quick kiss under locked sabers that blurred his concentration and following it with a kick to his chest. Her strength and power grew by the day.


End file.
